Mrs. X you are Obese.

I stared at the scales in disbelieve ... 108 Kilos! My face burned with shame and all over a sudden all the excuses I had secretly been using just dissipated out of my mind. A voice came into my head with a familiar tune but  different lyrics "I'm fatty and I know it! tu tu tu turu ru ru ru"

"a wobbling pot shaped woman,
with a double chin and a plate
of doughnuts in front of her"

I am 45 kilos over weight. (7stone) and according to the NHS site, I classify as obese! The word makes me shudder. In the past whenever I heard that word I pictured a wobbling pot shaped woman, with a double chin and a plate of doughnuts in front of her. Not me! Well, It was time to realise I was going that way. I had no one to blame but myself, even though I tried!! And oh my God did I try!!

First on the list was of course my husband. Despite the fact that as part of his "husband job description", he always takes the blame for everything that goes wrong in my life, in this case he really had some serious accusations to respond to. The first thing was that back in 1994 when I married him I was a size 8. I didn't eat much and stuck to a very limited diet. Not because I intended to look after my diet but because I was quite picky with my food. Mr X introduced me to all kinds of food and use to laugh at the fact that I had never tried things like Chinese take away, pizza, curry, lasagne, fried chicken and of course the worse of all foods: fish and chips!

Mr X had introduced me to all these foods and the practicalities of calling a number and having your food delivered! Furthermore, Mr X was very overweight and loved to eat. So in order to make him happy (another excuse) I learned to make really rich dishes with cream, butter, mash, bacon, etc. There was also always lots of snacks in the house like cheese, crackers, biscuits, cakes, coke, crisps, chocolates, etc.

Second on my list of factors to blame were of course my children. I had 2 children so naturally they must have made me fat and must have caused me to ruin my figure....

Third my life style. I was so busy I had no time to cook so it was so practical and easy just to get a ready meal or something you chuck in the oven and it's done.

But the truth is that I was alone in the blame department. Mr X had actually managed to loose most of his weight and is now less overweight than me. He does enjoy his food and overindulges on chocolates and cheese but he does not force me or even tempt me to eat. My kids had left me with a size 12 figure and 64 kilos and unless I had some phantom pregnancies I am not aware of, being pregnant really could not be used as an excuse for my obesity. And in terms of life style the truth is I am not busier than most people.

"For a while I convinced myself that I actually liked being curvaceous "

I have been kidding myself. I have been listening to the press that in recent years has come up with lots of campaigns to make miserable fat women feel better. I rejoiced at the slagging off of all the skinny models and the anti size 0 campaigns. I became an Adele fan because it was so nice to have a fat artist besides Pavarotti that is in the top charts. For a while I convinced myself that I actually liked being curvaceous - yet another term stolen from the Hollywood  pin up girls from the 50s to make us fatties feel better!



I remember rejoicing at the fact that Marilyn Monroe was a size 14! I used slogans like " I rather be chubby than starving" and "I am not a fashion victim" ... who was I kidding?!

Of course I also drew on the genetic excuse. After all I have ONE auntie that is fat! (never mind the other 20 close female relatives, including my mum and grandmother that are not). I am also big boned and obviously my bones got even bigger in the last 10 years.

I cannot forget to also mention the happy fatty syndrome with all the "make me feel better" tumbler photo quotes to go with it, such as "I am a big girl with a big heart and an even bigger personality!" , and the historical element. I was unfortunate to have been born in the wrong time. Yes in the 15th Century women were fat and desired to be fat. Just look at the renascence paintings! Look at the bleeding cherubs!! They are fat and close to God!


I went through a phase of wearing supporting pants and even got myself a corset, after all surely everyone my age must use this kind of thing to look more elegant...The corset actually worked despite the fact that I could not sit down, eat or breathe much while wearing it. I actually tried to do it once and almost passed out during a meeting in the bank.




Now I was confronted with 108 kilos and the word obese. Nothing could change the fact that I am big, fat and ugly...( ok maybe not ugly, but that is how I honestly feel), nothing besides MYSELF. It is time to tell Mika to shut his face! "Big girls you are beautiful", my backside!! But I must say, he cheered a lot of us fatties up and it was nice to wobble around the kitchen being fat proud of being fat! But being fat does not make you beautiful and I don't believe any fat woman would not prefer to be a healthy size 12 if she was given the choice and it did not require a lot of hard work. I also feel achy and tired and cranky most of the time. On top of that last year I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease, which sounds worse than it actually is but makes my back seize at times and become so painful I can't even walk! My knees are also always sore. 

So this is what I am going to do. I am taking the bull by the horns and between now and September 2021 I am going to loose 45 kilos. I will use this blog to give you a weekly update of my progress and to keep myself on track. I don't like being fat, I don't feel beautiful at all and most importantly I don't feel healthy at all! I am 46 years old and feel like im 60!  Time to take action! And yes I do think wonder woman's bum was huge!

Bye for now